Thursday, November 20, 2008
I had my right sentinel lymph node removed yesterday morning. The op went fine. I will get my node biopsy results tomorrow hopefully,
AND THE RESULTS WILL BE CLEAR!!
BEFORE THE OP:
My dad arrived unexpectantly at the hospital at 5am to wish me well! He has been so kind, concerned and attentive since the start of all this.
He was the first person I forgave and said ‘I love you’ to after I got the diagnosis. He made me walk round and round the car park doing deep breathing. He has always been a bit eccentric but I love this about him!
More about my inner wounds in a subsequent blog post.
I hate hospitals in general. They represent germs, non-well states of being, toxic medicine, and intervention with the body – once that first cut is made, things are never the same in that area again.
Hospitals can also represent healing, mending, compassion, incredible people who have given their lives to helping others, and choice.
We all have the choice to get bitter or better. Physical symptoms just alert us to the fact that we need to make different choices about where we are at, how we want to proceed into the future, and most importantly, how we did things in the past.
I decided that if I am going to spend more time in hospitals in the near future, I would have to change my attitude towards them. So instead of giving the ‘I hate hospitals’ thought too much energy, I changed the way I think/feel about hospitals.
I withdrew my spirit and saw them as car workshops. Some sections deal with investigation (radiology, etc), others with repairs (fixing and replacing), and others with panel beating (plastic surgery). This helped me detach myself from the process my body had to go thru. My car has 2 flat tires and they need to be changed!
My spirit is going thru a very different healing journey that is so wonderful! More about that soon.
While I lay on the operating table, before I was given the anesthetic, I told everyone in the theatre that I was so fortunate to have the best surgical team ever! That this was going to be their operation ever! And that my biopsy results were going to show that I had the cleanest, healthiest lymph node ever!! I am sure they all thought I was nuts but I am sure it got them thinking.
Your mind can’t comprehend ‘THE BEST EVER …..’ so it just hands it over to the universe which delivers. This phrase uses the law of attraction (the books called: The Secret & Amazing Grace contain more details). The law of attraction only works if your goal helps to further your highest potential on this earth.
As usual after an op, I wanted to get out of the hospital as fast as possible. I woke up pinned to the bed by cords linked to a heart rate monitor, a motorized drip, and a flowtron, motorized shin covers that inflate and deflate rhythmically to pump blood back to your heart. My blood pressure was very low and I shivered for about half an hour – not pleasant! Glenn was by my side the whole time working from his cell phone.
I refused to take the Dormicam (sleeping tablet/premed) before the general anesthetic. I wanted to look Dr Carol Benn in the eye before she operated on me. I live in this body and it deserves respect!
Carol is an amazing woman and I am so grateful to have found her. I had an all girl team in theatre. The anesthetist kindly took all the pics while Benn was operating.
I came round from the anesthetic in about 30mins because I had not had the sleeping pill. I was given the same antibiotic that I took for my breast implant op in May this year (Zinnat). I was not allergic to it but just very sensitive - I felt high and looney on it! I could not remember the name of it so had not written in on the hospital admission form. Antibiotic was change to Augmentin after the op.
Letagesic (pain killer) and Celebrex (anti-inflammatory) were prescribed. I have not taken the Celebrex and have only taken one pain killer today.
All excretions are blue/green from the dye that was injected in the same area around the areola that the radioactive isotope was injected. My stools are very loose from the antibiotic. I am taking pre & probiotics and digestive enzymes.
I asked for natural alternatives to the medication I was given but was told to just follow protocol – my worst!
My mom had kindly pick our kids up from school and was sitting with Grace when we got home. Later, the kids climbed all over me, and inspected the motorized drain. A game of ‘DR NURSE’ ensued. Dr Grace made Nurse Glenn get her Fisher Price first aid kit.
Luckily, I still had a few plaster points in place where the heart rate monitor had been attached that they could play with. They pulled them off and stuck them on our foreheads! I think this helped ease the tension.
I have been completely honest about where I have been (ie. We are just going to the Dr), all procedures (the Dr cut under mommy’s arm, took out a lymph node, and now the drain needs to drain fluid from that area so it can heal), explained how I am feeling in the moment (eg. Mommy feels, sad, tired, angry, etc), but I have not said it is breast cancer because they don’t need to go thru the adult anxiety etc.
I see Gereth Edwards (plastic surgeon who works with Carol Benn) tomorrow at 10.30am to discuss procedure involved in a double mastectomy and reconstruction.
I am hoping he will give me the results of my lymph node biopsy so I don’t have to wait until Monday, when I next see Carol.