Tuesday, February 17, 2009

DECONSTRUCTION OF THE LILYPAD (OUR HOUSE)



As I am in the process of self deconstruction pre-breast reconstruction, the builders moved on site today and started a parallel process in our house.

We lived in the house during the renovation and I was pregnant with our second child, Lily for the duration.

I remember the day we drove to the hospital for Lily's birth, there were builders lining our driveway just staring at me!

I then had to stay at granny's house for the first 5 days after Lily's birth as the builders were still not finished and there was dust in every part of the house.

I was so exhausted by the whole building process and now had a new baby to deal, with no pause between.

I believe the first half of our renovation contributed much to the development of my breast cancer. It was so stressful and I gave it my all.

I mothered the project and felt like I 'birthed' the renovation/house in a strange way.

The sadness and frustration that our house was incomplete got swept under the carpet because Lily was more important.

This time round we have a fantastic architect (last renovation I was the architect and the architect was essentially a drafts man). She gets as stressed out as I did first time round and she project manages like I did.

All I keep saying is that I am so glad we moved out! I walked away after out first site meeting feeling calm and detached, knowing that someone else, whom I trust, is being me. I can let her buffer the stress.

I feel like I am in a parallel universe to the last 4 years, one that I have helped create just the way I want it. This universe is wonderful and I am worth enough to detach a bit. My ego is also less caught up in a house.

I am free to get on with what I am really passionate about and that feels good!

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